Rhymes with Saget

Rhymes with a lot of things, but Agate isn't much to spit at. It doesn't even make Wikipedia, and most ghost towns do. For god's sake the only thing i learned at the last one was that a guy had a sawmill nearby. Can we get through these last twelve miles and forget the desert entirely? I admit to feigning enthusiasm more than once in the last 500 miles, but you bought it, right?
Here's something a little chewier. In searching for the Utah's state nickname, which is the beehive state, as Roddy Beall might be able to tell you, i came across this website:
http://www.penpalworld.com/ which hosts a pen-pal linking service to people from every state, and 239 other countries as well. But what i'm more interested in are the demographics to which the website are being pitched, so check out the four ads at the bottom of the page. You've got the "Make Friends" ad followed by "Senior Friends" followed by "Asia Friends" and finishing strong with "Church Friends". So if any of you weren't meeting enough senior or church friends, feel free to hit the source hard and fast right now. Also, in searching the database of countries you might want a pen pal from, you have the ability to "block any unwanted countries" of your choice from contacting you. So that long-lasting beef you've got going with Cuba can go ahead and continue. Commies.
Three Day's Distance: 17.24 miles

Total Distance Covered: 713.58 miles

Agate, Utah

Next time you hear from me, we're in a-Coloradee...

Old Man Thompson's Tree

Old man E.W. Thompson owned a sawmill near the springs at Book Cliffs, and the county was prime for cattle shipped to nearby San Juan and Grand Counties. That's about all it took to name Thompson Springs Utah, another fast-fading ghost town off of I-70 and proud home to a miniscule Amtrack Station.

Three Day's Distance: 13.00 miles

Total Distance Covered: 696.34 miles

Thompson Springs, Utah

I'm proud to announce that we're only thirty miles from the Colorado border, where i intend to dedicate a fair amount of attention to my home state of four years. Not that i'm sick of reading about fur trappers named "Old Solitaire" or anything.

Special Agent Hoops McCann

in this week's episode of a brave young artist working under the cover of an innocent clothing store manager, our hero saves the day by confronting a dangerous shoplifter and recovering stolen merchandise from the evil-doer. in actuality, i was discussing x-men trivia with a coworker, and he had me stumped on a killer question regarding cyclops and jean grey's child when the bastard who stole jeans from me a few months back came into the store again. this guy is among the great minds of our generation, for he has devised a foolproof plan to steal jeans by wearing tighter jeans out of the store underneath his baggy jeans. What this criminal failed to understand was that he was in the hands of Hoops McCann, the nations leading loss prevention expert and part time graduate student in hamster cage-cleaning.

As the fool attempted to exit the store, i confronted him about a pair of small womens jeans that were missing from his dressing room, and he gladly opened his backpack to reveal that he was carrying nothing at all. Then i told him flat out that i remembered his face, and my heart pretty much felt like this:

but the guy really wanted to get off free, so he lifted his shirt to "prove" that nothing was hiding under there, and sure enough just under his pants you could actually see the girls jeans under his pants. THEN he turns into the sorriest guy on earth and runs back to the dressing room to return the pants as i call the cops, and he bolts out of the store before anybody can say holy crap did that just happen i think it did Will is going to be given a key to the city.

Four Day's Distance: 23.77 miles

Total Distance Crossed: 683.34 miles

Myton, Utah

oh, and cyclops and jean grey's child is cable:although officially it was jean grey's reincarnated twin or something, and he's from 2000 years in the future and he's half robot. it's kind of fucking complicated.

Jazz Hands

I've been thinking a lot about Utah lately, and anything i've come to associate with it over the course of my life. I think i had completely forgotten the greatest one-two punch that Salt Lake City ever had, and it's about time to right that wrong.


What's up John Stockton and Karl Malone!? Does this picture blow anybody elses mind at all? They kind of remind me of a good cop/bad cop mismatched police partner comedy/drama force. I can imagine John Stockton being new to the "force"and being assigned a tough case with Karl Malone, veteran tough cop on the scene, ready to whip the new rookie up a batch of chocolate chip ass-kickin. Then i imagine a bad montage, where they try to arm wrestle and Stockon is flung out a window or something.

In all reality, these two were the dynamic duo out in Utah that led the Jazz through their glory years of the late eighties and early nineties. The team has never won a championship, but they've lost it twice, and you can't exactly blame them considering they shared the league with this other guy you might have heard of.

Whoever that is. But if we were playing NBA Jam on super nintendo right now, i'd take The Mailman and Johnny Three over anyone. Honest.

5 Days Distance: 33.74 miles

Total Distance Covered: 659.57 miles

We've Hit White

It's a great accomplishment to have hit snow. We're in Park City, Utah and by now i'd want to be wearing a large eskimo coat that was made out of freshly flabbly whale blubber and baby seal hides. Luckily i'm still in San Francisco where its still freezing cold but not enough to ski. The seals are all fine and not becoming jackets. To think that four months of hard walking can take you from a sunny beach to a ski resort almost makes sense. But it still seems soon to have hit the nippy stuff, and i'm glad to say that we'll be banking south a bit maximize our time in Colorado. Why, you might ask? Because Pete's Kitchen is there.

But now we're in Park City. Why does it matter? Because when Salt Lake City hosted the 2002 Winter Olympic Games, the majority of events took place here. Also, it is home to the Sundance Film Festival, the largest indie-fest in the nation. And Mrs. Fields cookies originated there. So if you guys are anything like me, you've dialed the first six numbers to U-Haul and you're just waiting for me to say one more thing like "Paula Abdul is from there" or "there are real money trees that you can pick from, if you can just elude the territorial carniverous beavers" before you move out there. Well you can make that decision on your own. My work is done.

Four Days Distance: 19.11 miles

Total Distance Covered: 625.83 miles

Park City, Utah

The Angels Would Be Ashamed!

Welcome to Salt Lake City, Utah!

"Joking, nonsense, swearing, small-talk and

laughter do not belong to us. The angels

would be ashamed!" - Brigham Young

Welcome one and all to the bear mountain picnic of Salt Lake City. The city was founded in 1847, by the brave and serious Brigham Young, who fled growing hostility toward the Mormon church and led his people to the snowy promise land. Today roughly a million people occupy Salt Lake City, and the high percentage of Mormons are accompanied by large populations of Samoans, Hispanics, and Gays. Perhaps you've seen a Mormon church? They're hard to miss. check it out.

As far as i'm concerned, i'm all for it. What adds character to a city like the architecture of its religious shrines? Isn't that what's so great about Europe? Or is it the boats and painting and bread and women? I think its half half. I have had the pleasure of passing through Salt Lake City only once in my life, and i was in a hell of a hurry to get from San Francisco to Denver. I ate a sandwich at Arbies and had a pee. Wish i could say more. At work last night, i talked to a kid who had lived in S.L.C. He said that every Mormon family owned a trampoline, and that sounds mighty fine too.


Daily Distance: 4.31 miles

Total Distance Covered: 606.72 miles

Salt Lake City, Utah

If I Even Tried to Tell You The Way I Brandish My Glock

Did he walk off the face of the earth on new years '07? Shall we alert the queen?

NO. i'm still out there, and though i have neglected of late to wear my plastic pendant of purity, things are about to change around here. there used to be grit to this project, and tenacious commitment. that's going to come back in a big way. because you don't just walk one sixth of the way across the country and then change your mind. not after the most boring states of the union are almost through. no.

I have been to berkeley and back, to santa cruz to see the empty boardwalk in winter, the laughing fat robot woman at the arcade. the olivetti typewriter is now officially functioning and those of you who would like\and or\already deserve a type-written letter can most certainly recieve them. i wish to be better in touch with all, and rather than go with the digital trends of beaming your shining faces up on the internet or whatever modern technology can bring us together through a microwave, i am going to reverse my own technological capabilities and go back to the typewriter. it's neat that way.

58.93 miles into the new year

total distance crossed: 602.41 miles

no mans land, utah

if the great whites get me tomorrow, please divide up the keys of my new (old) typewriter and bury one letter in each state.